Hide and Go Smash
"Hide and Go Smash" 'is the 67th episode in the ''Skyrim for Pimps series and the 11th episode of Season 5. Plot Burning Beehives S'oggy and his followers Aela and General Burnside are sneaking into Goldenglow Estate to intimidate its owner, Aringoth. Our Cat-man, regrets that he is not allowed to kill his opponents anymore. He loves being a "real thief" however because he can "body slam people just like a real thief." Being a thief is quite difficult when one has two noisy followers S'oggy realizes and orders Aela and Burnside to stay in the basement in the hay pile. He warns General Burnside and Aela to not mess around with each other in the hay. To this, General Burnside responds "my dick," which worries him. This does not prove to be a problem however since both of them reject S'oggy's orders and follow him anyways. S'oggy loves thieving. He's already smashed eight men into the ground and he hasn't stolen anything yet. The voice in his head corrects S'oggy that he's not supposed to kill anyone when thieving. He has to be silent and quiet. S'oggy does not understand. To get S'oggy to correctly thieve, the voice in his head asks S'oggy to pretend it's a game, a game that if you don't kill one now, you get to kill two later. S'oggy's first challenge is to sneak behind a guy without body slamming or choking the guy to death. S'oggy regrets that he "can't even bodyslam him once." The voice in his head reassures him that he's already playing the game. The voice in his head is "so glad (he) didn't take skooma before (he) came in. S'oggy freaks out because some men started shouting (he was leveling up) while he was sneaking. The voice in his head just tells him to ignore them. Now inside Aringoth's room, S'oggy looks for his key. There he finds a shelf lined with bottles. He just wants to knock a couple of bottles on the shelf. The voice in his head allows S'oggy to smash just one. S'oggy drops one bottle on the ground and feels instant gratification. '''Yeah, I dropped it. Once in Aringoth's room, he sees Aringoth crouching down in a corner. This looks like he's using the bathroom, talking to himself and taking a sh*t. S'oggy thinks this is quite odd but he steals the keys away from him and comments on his drums looking nice. He suspects Aringoth is high on skooma. On to opening a safe with his key, he obtains some info that Brynjolf wanted him to collect and then goes outside to burn the behives. Now outside, he needs to start a fire to burn the beehives. He has a hard time finding fire but he remembers that Aela is holding a torch. He asks Aela for the torch. Aela seemed moody and tells S'oggy to get going. S'oggy feels like he may have wronged Aela at one point and thinks it might be the sexy costume S'oggy had her wear. So he torches three beehives to threaten Aringoth and heads back to Riften. He realizes that the Goldenglow infiltration was the first official date with Aela and she wore a nice costume. S'oggy regrets that he did not compliment her on her clothes. Reporting back S'oggy reports back to the Thieves Guild and tells them that he's burned the bees and gotten information on Goldenglow. It turns out Aringoth had sold Goldenglow Estate. The Thieves Guild members are quite surprised with this especially because Maven, who is the patron, hates to be in the dark on local business deals. S'oggy does not want to hear about the politics. S'oggy just wants to do skooma. He's getting delusions due to the withdraws. Brynjolf tells him that he's "smart as a whip line," and wastes more time complimenting S'oggy when he could be high. Finally, Brynjolf stops talking and he takes skooma as he watches General Burnside dance. So back in the ratway, S'oggy meets a face sculptor. S'oggy is offended and asks, "what's wrong with my face?" He tells the sculptor that he's 100-percent Khajiit and he's proud of it. The sculptor deescalate the situation and says, "I assumed you were here to see me about your face." When asked if S'oggy would like to remake his face, he counters that he's "proud of (his) appearance." He says he "might be a little overweight and a little pasty but I love myself." But the interaction was not all in vain as he was able to successfully sell off the "sleeping tree sap" to this sculptor. "I've been trying to pawn that off on some sucker for quite some time. It's actually just corn syrup. S'oggy speaks to Delvin Mallory to get a new job for the Thieves Guild but Tonilia pushes S'oggy to sit in a seat across from Mallory. Now S'oggy and Mallory far away have to yell at teach other to speak and S'oggy apologizes that he cannot hear Mallory from so far away. In the end, S'oggy receives the fishing job, pick-pocketing Jala's silver garnet ring in Solitude. Jobs in Solitude So S'oggy heads off to Solitude, which he acknowledges that this is the biggest city in Skyrim. He asks Bjorlam to take him there. Bjorlam obliges and starts telling him a story. "Climb on back and we'll be off. First time to solitude? Beautiful old city relabeled Skyrim..." Once he arrives at the Solitude Stables, a Haafingar guard yells out to S'oggy that he's just in time for Rogvir's execution. S'oggy is excited to see a execution and cannot "wait to meet the sorry bastard Rogvir." S'oggy loves that he "didn't even have to pay to get into this execution." He watches the execution in front row seats and asks the executioners if he can execute another person. He suggest some people in the crowd to execute, specifically a lady he compares to a Gelnmoril Witchhead. He comes to a conclusion that there might be rules that they can only execute one person per day and that he come back tomorrow. Back to the mission, he goes over to the woman he supposed to steal from. S'oggy thought he was "a little bit rude to steal her ring and just not give her anything in return." So he gives some of Aela's leftover armor. She immediately wears the clothes which S'oggy is impressed by and tells her that this would probably help her get male customers to her stall. After this, S'oggy decides to play "hide and go smash." Now children. Let's play hide and smash. How do you play hide and smash? Everyone goes and hides and one person counts to three. One two three and then I smashed them. I found you. Yay! It's fun to play with children. Videos See also Season 5 S'oggy Balls Category:Episodes Category:Season 5